Time Won't Let Me Go
by Believe In Something Bigger
Summary: Twenty one years later, Ponyboy recalls only one thing that practically tore his fractured family apart. Unfortunately, history is bound to repeat itself if old lessons cannot be remembered.


"Is this some kind of joke? She was supposed to be home two hours ago!" Ponyboy hissed, trying to keep his voice low.

"She's probably sucking face with that little shit," Derek said bitterly, swiftly turning the page of his book. Derek watched his father pace back and forth repeatedly across the carpet and running his fingers through his already messy hair. Thirty five years of stress had finally started to show through his appearance, making streaks of gray hair all too common in his reddish auburn locks.

Ponyboy's eyes widened Derek's remark, "You think she's _what_?"

"She's fifteen, Dad, I mean she's kissed boys. _Real_ boys, I mean," Derek stated, eyebrows rising to prove his point.

Pony plopped down beside his son, and began to wring his hands. "She never told me that," Ponyboy whispered to himself, shocked.

"Don't take it too personal, Dad, she didn't tell me either. I heard the punk talking about it at school and popped him one for it."

Pony looked up in surprise at his oldest child. Derek was mostly a happy kid who didn't like to rock the boat; however, ever since his mother had passed a few years back, Derek had started to become extremely defensive when it came to his younger siblings. Ponyboy felt overwhelming pride for his son defending his sister's honor regardless of the current situation.

Pony put an arm around the back of the couch, "He get a nice shiner?"

"Oh, hell yeah," Derek smirked, " Hadda' go to the nurse to get a friggin' ice pack for his face. Travis is _such_ a puss-," his words were cut off at the sound of a window gently shutting in the kitchen. Pony jumped out of his spot on the couch preparing to have a showdown with his daughter.

"Derek, go upstairs, I need to talk to this … child," Pony whispered harshly, spitting out the word child. Derek nodded, eager to escape the situation only to hear a little voice call down the stairs.

"Dey-rek, what're ya doin' up?" six-year-old Annie asked, doll in one hand, the other rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Uh, daddy had a nightmare and so I was helping him get some water," Derek said quickly, nudging his father who nodded.

"Why would he need help? Are his brains hurting him again?" Annie asked nervously, referring to the migraines Ponyboy often had.

"Nope, honey, everyone's fine, let Derek tuck you in again, okay?" Pony peered around the corner to spot his oldest daughter leaning through the window and whispering to her boyfriend, Jimmy. Derek jogged up the stairs, picked Annie up, put her on one hip and gave his dad a salute.

Waiting until she saw him first, Ponyboy decided to lean against the wall and wait, the dark shadows reflecting off of the windows in the kitchen.

"June, I swear if you get caught I will be shot execution style, I have to go," Jimmy said, breaking their kiss. June leaned against the window sill and huffed.

"He won't care none, he's probably asleep anyways. We just gotta be quiet for Annie and Derek, my dad is going deaf in his ancient years," June joked, going back in for another kiss. Going on his tip-toes to get more leverage, Jimmy reached up and brought June back in for another kiss.

"Okay, I really gotta go," he admitted, taking a step away from the window. Pony could see June's shoulders slump even from all the way across the room. He could just imagine her hands clasped together and her blue eyes pleading. Jimmy sighed, "Is that really necessary? If you want me to stay for a little while longer at least open the goddamn door so I don't freeze to death."

June's posture changed as she heard Jimmy's reply, while she walked over to the door to let Jimmy in Ponyboy's clenched fist hit the wall and rattled the picture frames hanging against it. June jumped and her mouth dropped open.

"Run, Jimmy, run!" June cried as her father ran over to the door. Jimmy flew off the porch as soon as he heard June's warning and hit the ground running. He stumbled over a small rock and almost fell, but regained his balance and continued on.

"Damn right you better run, Rayland!" Ponyboy screamed out the door to Jimmy's retreating figure. He slammed the door and locked it, not caring if the sound woke up his other children.

"Where the hell were you all this time? I've been sitting here for two hours not knowing if you were dead, kidnapped or lost!"

"Out," June stated quietly, as if saying it softly would lessen the verbal lashing that was to ensue.

Ponyboy shook his finger at her, "No shit you were out, doing _what_ is what I'd like to know. June, I swear to God if he took advantage of you I'll kill him. I really will."

"What? No, Dad, no! What did Derek even tell you?"

"Enough for me to obviously have to worry about your taste in guys. Seriously, is it really that hard for you to pick up a damn phone and call me? Your mother would complete-."

"Don't even tell me she would agree with you. She's not here; you don't know anything," June hissed, her eyes turning into narrow slits. "I lost track of time; we were at the park, sitting in the bed of his truck and we fell asleep, I swear."

"You fell asleep … in the park? Are you nuts? Anything could have happened there, and you have the nerve to tell me that it's all alright? June, I really can't take any more of this," Ponyboy admitted, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

"Dad, you have to believe me, nothing happened. It was an accident. I can't believe you'd think I'd do something so personal in a public place!"

Ponyboy paced and felt the urge to shake his daughter. Didn't she realize how much he'd already lost? His parents, Sodapop, his daughter that had been miscarried and her own mother. He couldn't take any risks; anything could happen outside the doors of his house, things so far beyond his control that the thought of anything happening to his loved ones shook him to the inner core. He sat down at the kitchen table and ran his hands over his face.

He paused. This argument was all too familiar. He was smothering his child with his worries; his constant fear of losing another person was driving an even bigger wedge between their relationship. The reasons may have been different, but the cause of the argument was still all the same. Ponyboy was Darry this time around, and June was Ponyboy. June was Ponyboy; quick-witted, defiant, stubborn, a dreamer and intelligent. She was him in another life. He had to let her go. He had to let her experience life, as much as it killed him, she wasn't only his anymore.

For the first time in four years he covered his face with his hands and shamelessly began to cry.

"I'm so sorry, Marianna, I didn't mean to wreck all of this," Ponyboy called out, hoping somehow his dead wife would hear him. June stared at her father, seeing him really for what he was after all of these years; a man terrified of being robbed of one more loved one. She slowly approached her father and tapped him on the shoulder. He wiped his eyes and stared back at June.

"I won't leave you, Daddy, I promise. Nothing will happen to me, you and Derek care way too much about me to let that happen. I'm so sorry."

For the first time in years, June sat on her father's lap, head resting on his shoulder and just cried. Cried for her father, cried for her brother, cried for her sister, cried for her mother, just let everything out. Together, they talked for hours in a desperate attempt to salvage their delicate relationship.

"I'm gonna make you proud one day, Dad, I promise," June said. Ponyboy remembered that phrase well, and it was those words that helped keep the hope alive that he was doing something right with these kids after all.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I haven't written anything in awhile, and this was kind of hard to end! Let me know if the ending was too cheesey, or if it was rocky ... etc._


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